Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Handy guidelines for dating within your ultimate community, as expressed unspoken nationwide:
- You must date within your playing ability. To do otherwise is to court failure. If you are on the A team and s/he is on the B team, it's not going to work out. Don't ask why or blame yourself, it's as inveterate as the Law of Conservation of Greatness. This is the cardinal rule, for which the following exeptions apply.
- If you are a male, you may break law #1 under this condition: the female you are with must be hot (not just Ultimate hot, but hot when removed from her trollish teammates and placed at your university's hotspot). This will allow your asshole teammates to accept her despite her deficiencies with the plastic.
- If you are female, you're almost fucked. There is one exeption, but it's rare. The male you're with has to be The Man outside of Ultimate. A guy so fucking likeable he shits rainbows and does your taxes just to help you out. He's gotta be so on point that even his own teammates forget how much of a fuckup he is on the field and gravitate around his aura. He's gotta be Brad Pitt with a dash of Emeril and a pinch of Steve Jobs.
These are the rules, as written by the hearts of thousands of players who choose to remain hidden within our own little world of Ultimate, and only come out for a few minutes of sunlight a day.