Monday, February 20, 2006

Dear William and Mary Alum,
I am in a muddle. I love two men. One is my ex.-boyfriend who wants to come back to me, the other is my current boyfriend. Both are lovely men, but feel more spiritually attached to my ex. I am unable to make a decision. Do you have any tips?
Signed,
How'd You Pick Either Dude?

Dear HYPED,
"Admit it, when you found out that W&M had made it to nationals, the first thing you said was "Who the heck is William and Mary?"
Upon finding out that William and Mary is actually a state school located in the heart of the #3 tourist attraction on the East Coast you said to yourself, "Hell, self, you don't have to worry about these chumps! They'll be so scared of all the big strong other teams that they'll be too busy crying to even remember to show up!" But show up W&M did, a week early, to have exhausting two-a-days in the crappy freezing Spokane rain.
And then, in the tourney, they make college ultimate history by making it to the semis from the pre-quarter round, something no other team has ever done, ever. EVER! NERVER!
W&M won way more games then anyone thought they would... except them. "


Dear William and Mary Alum,
I just recently started sleeping with my boyfriend, and he's the first person I've ever been with. I love him and trust him completely, so why is it I feel so embarassed to be naked around him? I always turn the lights off, and when I get out of bed I run to the bathroom with a blanket wrapped around me. I want to be as relaxed as he is with his body, but I just can't do it. What can I do to change? Please help.
Signed,
Ashamed Lady Lover, The Almighty Lord Knows

Dear ALL TALK,
"I've played against all these other guys that are being hyped for callahan, and dont want to take anything away from them (valley, richter, jared, chase etc) but it really doesnt even seem close. Mangry has a complete game. Fastest player in the country, can sky over anyone, can put the disc anywhere at anytime, and most importantly, his attitude that he brings to the game is absolutely perfect...Take a look at this man before even thinking of casting your vote elsewhere."
"You are out of your mind man. Nobody has ever dominated mangry, and certainly not richter. I really can't think of a single category in which richter is better than mangry. They're both great all around players but andrew is faster, has better leaping ability, quicker cuts, better throws and decision making, not to mention spirit\attitude. Andrew Mangan is the best all around player in the country this year."


Dear William and Mary Alum,
I was reading your recipe for canning cabbage, and I am wondering, you say to process the jars for 60 minutes at 10 pounds of pressure. Now my question is are you using a pressure canner or hot water bath? And do you really mean to process for 60 minutes at 10 lbs. pressure? I’m questioning the 60 minutes.
Signed,
Help One Tired Amateur Impress Rest

Dear HOT AIR,
"Sam got the right idea because NC State and W&M both brought B squads to that tourney that april 8th weekend. That is not an indication of the A team strength of either team. The two wins W&M got against NCstate were both teams and full strength. Though, it seems a bit unfair to say that W&M cant hang with the NC teams because we dont ever get to play with any of them because we're always underated at tourneys and get put in the lower bracket. We battled our way back up from the lower bracket at Terminus to finish 5th. We have played UNC, but that was at Tune-up, so long ago!! We have played Duke and lost and also Wilmington. If we played these teams as much as they play each other, we'd get some wins too. I do recall beating Duke in the fall, but that doesnt really mattter, and we only lost to Wilmington by two."

Dear William and Mary Alum,
Hi, I'm a Japanese student from Japan. Since I used to live in Swizterland and England, I'm interested in other countries culter. Here I woul like you to tell me how you feel about Japanese culter and how it is different from your's.
I'm looking forward for your answer.

Signed,
Would Adore Advice About Anyone's History

Dear WAAAAH,
"Yes we did indeed expect to beat ucsd and some would say we choked. Its a shame we were not able to show the country just how well we can play. we came out very slow and did not have a very good game all around. we did mount a comeback down 8-3 at half to bring it back to 9-9. we just failed to pull it together after that for some reason. i refuse to believe it was due to "running out of gas" as some have said in other threads. it was the first game of the day. anyway the game of the tournament for us was the brown game. in a highly contested game that could have gone either way, we ended up losing. i just wish the brown players would stop laying out into all of our backs and stop trying to control the game with calls. that is not the way ultimate is supposed to be played. anyway, if we win that game we make it to the semis, easily. and then, anything could have happened. Sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to, but that's what happens when you are on a national stage with so much sick competition."

Dear William and Mary Alum,
"While I am watching this game I keep hearing loud cheers down the way. Mary Washington making grab after grab. They were down 6-1 and came storming back to tie at 8-8 then take the lead 10-8 I believe on 50/50
huck after 50/50 huck from what I as seeing from the upper field. I got there at 11-10 Mary Washington. Cap goes on and it becomes 11-11. 12-12 and hard cap is on so it is double game point. William and Mary pulls goes zone. Mary Washington works it. Luke gets it about 10 yards out and throws a hammer to a wide open Connor but it hangs. William and Mary player gets there but Connor still has a chance. I think William and Mary player touches it and it pops up into Conner's hands, down his jersey and onto the ground. William and Mary throws an errant throw to 82 on WM and a foul is called as both he and defender layout. Contest. A dump or to. William and Mary player get stranded ount about to stall out, I believe from my head count a dump throw at about ten and Connor sideways layout catches for a Callahan on double game point. Thrower had nowhere to go from what I could tell. But William and Mary's season ends and Mary Washinton goes to regionals for the first time I believe."

Sincerely,
The Real Ultimate Team Heckler

Dear TRUTH,
No comment.

5 comments:

hotballs johnson said...

All old RSD posts? sweet

Anonymous said...

well conceived

well executed

well deserved

diagnosis: brilliant

Hey college captains: This is why you issue a gag order to the idiots on your squad about posting on RSD.

-Jim - W&M '02

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, brilliant??? Are you F'ing kidding me?? Horsefeathers I say. Ripoff!!! Yo Hector, Degs have you read the Onion lately, well I have. Although the names you came up with were funny, I am overall disappointed. What's next Hector are you going to become Jim Anchower & start each column/blog off with "Hey, sorry I haven't rapped at ya in a while" or is Degs gonna be that nerdy white gangsta dude from accounts receiving. Seriously....You Suck for doing this.

TimD.

Don Seiler said...

A++, 9 thumbs up.

skizip said...

Brilliant twist on the old onion gag.